living loved

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. -Hebrews 12:1

This. This is what popped up on my Facebook memory feed when we returned from church this morning. This. This is what I would have held onto in 2016 as I ran the race set before me in this walk of faith. But this is not what grabbed my spirit this morning. This morning after a sermon about the 9 vital signs of being a Christian, my this is the sentence before my 2016 revelation. “…Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up.”

My word for 2023 was “discipline”. I failed. I failed miserably. Like failed so miserably I got “cooked” as my 13 year old son with hip vocabulary would say. Is hip even cool anymore…hmmm?

I could feel badly about this especially when I see so many posts from my friends and acquaintances and their successful 2023. But I don’t. Actually, I think I needed to fail. I needed to fail because for the last few weeks God has been trying to show me how I so desperately need Him. There are so many times I try to live this life on my own and make my own things happen from the simple choices of eating healthy and nourishing my body to larger issues of living in excess and handling the weight and stressors of life and discontentment on my own based on my knowledge of God rather than WHO I know He is.

The girl I knew from 2016 was focused. She was persistent. She was running her race with endurance. This girl today, well, she is a little sluggish. She’s weighted down (physically and spiritually). She finds herself way too often stuck between where the world says she should be and where she actually is with very little thought to God’s placement right here and right now. Ugh.

We change with the ebb and flow of time in every joy and heartache we face and in the ease and struggles of life. We sin and make mistakes. We rely on the world instead of Christ. We seek contentment and joy in the things of the world rather than heaven in our hearts.

But these two versions of me, both share something in common. Something that NEVER changes: Jesus. I loved Jesus then. I love Jesus now. And through my year of failure to achieve the discipline I need, my desperate need for the Savior grew.

And today, this last day of 2023, my beautiful family found ourselves somewhere we didn’t find ourselves frequenting for most of 2023 out of our jaded and questioning hearts about “church”: church. And a lot of our burdens were put down this morning when we were greeted by unsuspecting friends with sincere smiles and arms open wide – not wondering where we’ve been but instead with joy to see us. Burdens were laid down when seats were opened by strangers and we sat – all 5 of us – flanked by singing and praising on both sides. Burdens were placed at the altar through God’s words and an open vessel.

I am grateful for failure. I am grateful for grace. I am grateful for the new year; after all, His mercies are made new every morning.

2023 was a lesson for me. 2024 I will put to work all that I have learned.

See you there.

XOXO, Loni – always a work in progress