living loved

The Rebellious Wanderer

Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness, prisoners suffering in iron chains, because they rebelled against God’s commands and despised the plans of the Most High. So he subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no help. – Psalm 107: 10-12

The rebellious wanderer. Oh, how I wish I didn’t resonate so much with this one. YIKES! There are countless times I have either went before God in haste, quit before he wanted me to, or just plain ole didn’t listen and did what I wanted (I’m embarrassed to say that this is more than I’d like to admit).

The chains, the darkness, the bitter labor. . .rebellious wanderer this is all of our own accord. This wanderer often doesn’t realize they’re wandering until the labor is too much because they have come to rely on themselves. They may begin with direction (sometimes a glimpse of God’s plan, and sometimes they may think it’s God because it’s good), but the directions aren’t ready or the route is unclear. Sometimes this wanderer is stumbling without direction (just a good idea) and trying to do everything they can to make it work on their own, and nobody can help them out. And sometimes this wanderer is full speed ahead without any guidance or plan – just a big dream and even bigger ambition full of self-reliance and pride.

There are so many times in life that we fall into this rebellious wandering: our work, our ministries, our parenting, our marriages and relationships . . . and those our just mine. We think we can make all of these things a success without our center, our laminin, the One who holds all things together for our good and His glory. We run full speed ahead into all these things without stopping, turning to the Father, and waiting for His direction (or wait is that just me?).

I can think of many examples for each of those categories that the labor became far to great on my own, and I had to live out verse 13 of this Psalm, “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.” Oh, how I love a good cry out to my Abba. Repentance is good. His grace is even better. His peace from the darkness, the utter darkness, leaves me without words.

Several years ago I let go of an important ministry in my life. Big shocker here, but I ran ahead of God’s plan (much like the image of our youngest – big hat, big shoes, big purse, and many steps ahead). I lived in much regret until one day, I dropped to my knees, cried out, repented, and asked God to give me a peace beyond words even though I had failed him in obedience, yet again. And He did (not a big shocker) because He loves me in spite of me, and He knows this eager (and sometimes rebellious) heart.

Rebellious wanderer, admit where you are. Repent from how you got there. Trust that the Father will break the chains that have been placed there through self-reliance, disobedience, and flat-out refusal to listen. And just like the desert wanderer who was finally satisfied from his hunger and thirst, you (we) will finally be free through His grace, mercy, and unending love from the gates of bronze and bars of iron we have placed around our lives (verse 16).

He always saves. Let Him.

XOXO, Loni